Wednesday, October 24, 2012

James Bond in his off hours


James Bond, he’s the ultimate spy. Save the world, get the bad guy, and get the girl all while looking good. He has traveled to exotic locations including space without batting an eye. Don’t forget the cool gadgets he gets to use along the way. I can’t help but think. What does James Bond do in his off time? Could there be things he isn't perfect at? Thus my following post of my thoughts.

Instead of just listing things, I have scenarios that play out in my head. So these will be more of small scene set ups in how I see them, and not just bullet point list.

Scenario 1:

It opens with James Bond sitting on a bench reading a newspaper. He’s wearing a hat, a nice fedora because James Bond wouldn't resort to wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. As he’s “reading” the paper, he’s watching a building entrance. Watching the people enter and leave, until the exact moment, when no one should be in the building, he gets up and casually walks to the door. When he gets to the door, James quickly opens and walks in trying not to be seen.

It’s a doctor office. Casually walking to the receptionist asks to be seen. The receptionist, without asking his name says, “ OK Mr. Bond, just have a seat and the doctor will be with you.” With a weary look as to how she knew his name, James sits down, opens his paper again in case someone walks in.

After a couple minutes, a nurse calls James into the back into the back. Once in a room, James insists on seeing the doctor, prefers a male due to the nature of his visit. The nurse agrees, but asks for the normal vitals, pulse, blood pressure, which James gives his o.k. The nurse leaves telling James the doctor will be in shortly.

A couple minutes later, a male doctor comes in and asks James what the problem is. With embarrassment he mentions how he’s been having pain and annoying itching in his private regions. The doctor asks how many sexual partners he has had. Where James rattles off every woman he slept with, i.e. every bond girl from every movie. Not really up for research and counting, I’d say it’s between 25-30 women. This causes the doctor to state that he needs to be checked for STD’s. The doc then gives him a prescription for some antibiotics, and suggests he picks up some condoms and learns how to use them. The receptionist would be able to give him a couple free if he wishes.

End scene.

This has always been a wonder of mine for awhile. How could he have slept with so many women and NOT have gotten a STD. With the names that some of these women have, you can easily figure they've been with their fair share of men as well. Of course, this may have happened and on several occasions. We don’t know what goes on between movies since the plots do exactly pick up where the previous films leave off, except for Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace.

Now I do have more scenarios about the off hours of James Bond. They will be for future posts. They maybe the next couple posts, I don’t know yet. Something may come up between now and then. But I’ll defiantly try to get back to the other scenarios.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Scrabble Gods


The game of Scrabble has the following tiles/point structure:
English-language editions of Scrabble contain 100 letter tiles, in the following distribution:
  • 2 blank tiles (scoring 0 points)
  • 1 pointE ×12A ×9I ×9O ×8N ×6R ×6T ×6L ×4S ×4U ×4
  • 2 pointsD ×4G ×3
  • 3 pointsB ×2C ×2M ×2P ×2
  • 4 pointsF ×2H ×2V ×2W ×2Y ×2
  • 5 pointsK ×1
  • 8 pointsJ ×1X ×1
  • 10 pointsQ ×1Z ×1
I bring this up since someone I know was playing Scrabble online and it allowed them to use Jesus as a word. According to the chart above, that means the word “Jesus” is only a 12 word score. To me, being the son of God that he should be worth more than 12 points. It could be worse, God Himself is only worth 5 points.

This got me wondering. If we can use other important religious figures even mythological names, how much would they be worth, and which person is really the best word score. The scores do not include double, triple letter or word scores.

Greek Gods:

Aphrodite        15 points
Apollo              8 points
Ares                 4 points
Artimus            9 points
Athena             9 points
Cronos             8 points
Demeter          10 points
Dionysus         12 points
Eros                 4 points
Hades              9 points
Hera                7 points
Hermes            11 points
Pan                  5 points
Poseidon         11 points
Zeus                13 points


The next group to visit the Norse Gods. Like the Greek Gods, I do not list every single God and Goddess. If I did, the list would be very long, and frankly I’m too lazy at times to go through all the lists. So I went through and picked the ones I felt should belong on the list cause chances are, they’re the most noticeable or recognizable. If you do not recognize them, then go look them up and learn some mythology.

Norse Gods:

Baldr                8 points
Eir                     3 points
Forseti             10 points
Freyja              19 points
Freyr                11 points
Hel                    6 points
Kvasir              13 points
Lofn                  7 points
Loki                  8 points
Odin                 5 points
Sol                    3 points
Thor                 7 points
Tyr                   6 points


This time I’ll hit the Egyptian Gods. Once again, I picked the Gods I wanted for the list. If you want the full list of Gods, do some research, you’ll learn quite a bit as well as interesting stories.

Egyptian Gods:

Amun              6 points
Anubis             8 points
Bast                 6 points
Geb                 6 points
Hathor             12 points
Horus              8 points
Isis                   4 points
Nut                  3 points
Osiris               6 points
Ra                    2 points
Sehkmet          16 points
Wadjet             17 points

Now I have not tried these names to see if you can use them while playing Scrabble. Either way, it was quite interesting seeing the points. The Gods for life, love, and basic survival scored more than those for death and war. It's amazing, we can make the Gods with the proper priorities worth more in Scramble, but make the least scoring Gods our priorities as a human race.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

WTF is your name


"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet." – Juliet Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)


Everyone has a name. Celebrities as well as normal people have kids for some odd reason. These people also think your supposed to be coming up with the most ridiculous names. No longer are traditional names the way to go.
                Now I understand changing a letter in a name to make it more unusual, but not letting it get out of hand. A good example is Catherine or Katherine. Not a huge difference, but not overly excessive. But when more than three letters are change, manipulated, or added, this is where the line should be drawn. People just don’t seem to care; they think they are making their child unique by doing this. When in reality it makes people wonder if the parents have an IQ of above 50.
                The people I feel sorry for are teachers. Each year they have to learn new names and at higher grades with different classes, there are a lot more names to learn. The worse part has to come the first day of classes. Teachers get their lists of kids for the class and have to figure out how the names are pronounced. I would not be surprised if the first day of classes starts out like this:

“ OK kids. What were going to do is I am going to spell the name, and whoever has that name raise your hand. Then I will write the correct spelling next to your name so I know how to say it. OK. The first name is spelled: G-R-A-I-S-T-I-A-L-E-Y.”
A little girl raises her hand. “My name is Crystal.” With a raised eyebrow the teacher writes the name on the sign in sheet.
“ OK. The next name is: M-Y-I-E-A-C-L.”
A boy in the back raises his hand. “It’s pronounced Michael.” Shaking the head the teacher writes the name on the sign in sheet.
“Next name…oh dear God. We have: Q-U-I-O-T-Z-L-A-N-C-I-F.” This causes two hands to be raised. “Seriously?!? Two of you!?? How do you say your names?”
“Tim.”
“Mary.”
Rubbing the head, the teacher lets out a sigh. “ OK class. I’m going to stop now. I’m going to give each of you an assignment for tonight. Go home and kill your parents for giving you such F’ed up names. You will get arrested yes. But when you go to court and state your case. I'm sure the reason that your parents gave you such a crazy name. I guarantee, 99% of all judges will understand and let you go.”

Now, as a disclaimer, I am not promoting anyone with a messed up name to go kill their parents for their screw up. So if you do it and try to blame me, you’re S.O.L. This was done as a comedic reason and I am now innocent. So you’re on your own.
For anyone thinking that I was exaggerating with the spelling of names, obviously you have looked around. While normal parents do these as well, you don’t hear about them as often.  While celebrities are plastered all over, it isn't hard to see some of the crazy names given to their kids.
Since I was going on about long weird spellings. I’ll reveal some crazy spelling of names of celebrity kids. While, some names are completely ridiculous, like Moxie Crimefighter, the spelling is correct. So here are a couple examples of crazy spellings of celebrity kids names:

Helen Hunt / Matthew Carnahan                               Makena'lei Gordon
Ving Rhames / Deborah Reed                                    Reignbeau
Olympia Scott-Richardson / Al Richardson               BreAzia Ranee
Lisa Bonet / Jason Momoa                                          Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha